MARFAM WEEKLY FAMILY MATTERS E-NEWSLETTER 21 JULY 2026

Grandparents matter.  That is and has been my starting point this month of July.  At a parish seniors’ breakfast some days ago we shared a little how different the experience can be.  I was sitting in a mixed cultural group, a typical SA group.   Black, coloured, white, Indian, but also suburban middle class, and all Catholic.  People commented on their experiences and perceptions.  Clearly we need to look at all three generations, not just the elders and the youth.  White families have fewer children,  support them until they are educated then kids move on.  Parents may be left to support their own elderlies, who may be living in a retirement village or home.  Coloured families are much closer from childhood into adulthood and old age.  Black families, the majority in SA, but in many different circumstances, also remain cohesive – extended families elderly and other relatives do remain and are more supportive with children at times living with grandparents or others.     

An extended family model appears to be the most successful in maintaining intergenerational contact, even if they are not necessarily living in the same home or community.  We need to keep in mind that becoming grandparents is hardly ever a choice we make, it is what our children do,  and it can happen early or much later in life. Teenage pregnancy, especially in single mom families, creates a grandmother or maybe even great-grandparents. 

What also came to light was the current relevant topic of migration.   Here in SA there is a strong anti-migrant focus right now, but in fact this is not very different from other countries in Africa and elsewhere.  Family cohesion suffers, as Pope Francis also outlined in Amoris Laetitia.  Who is on the move?  Young men and women, adults, sometimes unaccompanied children.  Older people tend to remain behind in home countries or rural areas when younger members move to urban centres.  These older persons – not always parents-  may well be given children, for them to look after or who are expected to look after the older person. 

Family life is where life happens. Just taking a moment to think of one’s own larger extended family, going back only to our own generation of siblings makes one aware of the range of experiences.  I and we all have experienced life and death, but many also unplanned pregnancies, birth complications,  miscarriage, abortion at the start of life and death due to illness – mental and physical,  accidental and suicides at the other extreme.   In between there are divorces and reconstituted families.   All these impact on grandparents and elderly, our own human and spiritual journey too.     

My big focus in life at present is promoting the CHURCH AS FAMILY and FAMILY AS CHURCH, bringing an  evangelization component into the reckoning.   Is the wider church sufficiently aware of these powerful life situations of its members that do definitely impact on their relationship with God.   Why are older persons more involved in their church?  They go to week-day Mass, join prayer groups and sometimes a sodality or a more discussion or fellowship oriented group.  Is this about the need for fellowship or about a personal relationship with God, or maybe ongoing formation on Catholic Social Teaching.  Recent papal documents provide much for reflection and action, e.g. Pope Leo on AI, or further back Pope Francis and Amoris Laetitia on forms of pastoral care and family ministry,  (widow, substance, abuse,)  and Laudato Si – eco-friendly families or ecological awareness of various kinds,  i.e “the cry of the poor and cry of the earth.”   #laudatosi

Are older persons, middle-aged adults or younger persons more socially, politically or economically aware?  Are grandparents – depending on their age – mentally or physically active in the Church and the world, or able to contribute on a relational level with other families and their issues.  Social media and the digital domain can take up much time for all of us, young, middle-aged and old, but the important need for physical touch and emotional bonding is essential for our wellbeing as elderly and also for the young for keeping in touch with their roots.   

Pope Leo writes in his Message for the 6th World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly. The digital culture multiplies connections and offers new opportunities for interaction; yet, the human heart retains an irrevocable need for genuine closeness” (Encyclical Letter Magnifico Humanitas , 239).The Church understands the suffering of her elderly members; she knows they are all too often viewed through the lens of stereotypes and considered a burden; a profit-driven economy weakens family ties; many elderly people are left behind by children who are forced to migrate or, in some cases, to fight in wars. For each of these reasons, she joyfully proclaims the Lord’s promise: “But I will never forget you!” 

Even if it does not come naturally to think this way, the truth is that even in  old age we do not cease to  be sons and daughters; therefore, the  invitation to  return to the arms of   God, – whose love is both paternal and maternal – remains worthwhile at any age. For many, the discovery of God’s tenderness takes place over the course of their lives, sometimes even in its final stages. It is increasingly common to reach old age without having had a genuine experience of faith. Old age, beginning  with the questions that arise with greater  urgency,  can become the right time to begin or resume a spiritual life.

#lsapdigitalmissionariesIn the course of some reflection on Becoming Digital Missionaries by way of story-telling it struck me again how real and varied our lives are. I was interested to host a grandparent tea for my fellow residents to share stories for mutual support but I’m sad that this hasn’t materialized.  However our Grandparent celebration on Radio Veritas, our local Catholic Radio station, promises to be an opportunity for stories, hopefully some laughter, maybe a tear or two, moments of prayer and intercession of St Joachim and Anne, the grandparents of Jesus.   It will certainly be an expression of the deep love that is a small step on our way to build the civilization of love that Pope Leo is dreaming of.       TR  21 July 2026