MARFAM WEEKLY FAMILY MATTERS E-NEWSLETTER 26 NOVEMBER 2025

Whether it is a Red Chair Campaign or a red rag to a bull much is to be said for a campaign that highlights the ongoing scourge of gender-based violence and femicide, which is once again being designated a national disaster in South Africa. Why is this issue such a permanent feature on the national agenda, which never seems to be resolved satisfactorily. Is there support or resistance?  Is the whole topic too challenging, demanding action and change which is not happening?  Like other forms of evil in the world – issues around climate change, or corruption – is it likely to be with us forever? Is there not sufficient love, good will or a sense of the common good that can conclusively end it? 

I have been a catechist and sexuality educator over time, as well as being active in marriage and family ministry, where sexuality has to be promoted positively, while recognizing that conflict exists and that abuse happens, mainly by men against women.  Sexuality will always be an extremely complex matter, but I believe it should also be addressed from a relational, family-focused aspect rather than from individuals in isolation. This focus was also the basis of the SA  Department of Social Development’s Family directorate over the years I was a civil society part of the group.     

Dealing with GBV, or IPV and femicide has been on the public agenda for a long time, particularly in SA, one country where its incidence is highest. There are many faces and many facets; many proposals and strategic plans have been developed in recent years. The President’s National Strategic Plan 2020-2030 has not yet been implemented. My most recent involvement has been with the Faith Action Collective https://www.wwsosa.org.za/  related to the 2020 COVID pandemic. The problem was exacerbated by the stresses on families and on relationships from isolation, insecurity and financial hardships in the unnatural circumstances.  My interest in WE WILL SPEAK OUT SOUTH AFRICA was its Faith based focus with participants of different churches and other faith communities.  The objectives were to create a society free of gbv, through prevention, education and survivor support.  In my own work I came to believe that a focus should not be specifically on women, who are the main victims, or men, but more holistically on families as the larger context in which women and men, boys and girls, male and female persons of all ages interact and live their daily lives.

I remain committed to the family perspective of the programme introduced by the SACBC in 2018, “How to end violence in Catholic families.”  We, as a small working group in the Faith Action collective, had received permission to adapt the Catholic programme for more interreligious use, But a lack of funding prevented further development of the training the trainer workshops. 

There are many faces and many facets, many types of abuse: physical, sexual, mental, emotional, economic, religious and more. Yes, men are the main perpetrators of the actual violence, especially intimate partner violence and there is no justification for that. However a major contributing factor is how women’s attitudes and behavior are also a form of the different types of abuse, Pope Francis, on family crises and forgiveness, wrote, “in resolving sincerely to forgive the other, each has to ask quietly and humbly if he or she has not somehow created the conditions that led to the other’s mistakes. The arduous act of reconciliation, which requires the support of grace, needs the generous cooperation of relatives, friends and sometimes outside help and professional assistance. AMORIS LAETITIA 236. All family relationships are stressful and display different forms of abuse, but coping mechanisms are skills to be learned in family formation and education.

If a committed and successful marriage as a source of societal wellbeing was experienced and promoted it could help. If families dealt with cultural issues of patriarchy as a couple it could help. If intergenerational interaction and if meaningful, tolerant and accepting family communication was promoted and practiced it would help. 

Not all cases of GBV happen within families but in the majority of cases there is some level of relationship. How can more positive relationship skills across the board be developed to empower everyone to deal with conflict?   Start with children, adolescents, in the home and their social interactions. Can religious education programmes be more life-centred?  If sexuality is a gift and is all about love and God, who is love, what does a loving God say to us about our lives and how we can cause so much harm to one another, through misuse and abuse of sex? This is the place where love should be present in a beating, and not a bleeding, heart?

Campaigns have a very important place in raising awareness and “red-lighting” needs and I have been involved and supportive in various ways over time.  The Red Chair drawing attention to women, who no longer have a place, and society which has no place for them, does draw attention to the reality. We’ve just had an opportunity to commemorate and celebrate International Men’s Day. Is there a possibility that men, almost across the board, are habitually blamed and maybe made to feel guilty?  Can this be, in any way, the proverbial red rag to a bull, alienating them and aggravating a situation which requires serious personal reflection and consideration of life-giving rather than life-destroying actions to address this painful reality affecting every family member so drastically?  As believers, as we speak out, let us also pray for those who suffer and have lost their lives and their way. TR 26 November 2025

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY, JUBILEE AND LOSS

November 26.  Bryan was hosting a discussion evening, on the subject of Loss and the need to remain faithful.  “We live in very troubled times in different parts of the world.  Thousands of people in war zones have lost everything.  Most are killed indiscriminately and others are killed for their beliefs, especially where some are Muslims and some Christians. But the Israeli-Gaza war, while between Israeli Jews and Palestinian Muslims, is not religious but political.  Some nations fight within and amongst themselves. However, wars have been happening over and over for many centuries and we know there are millions of martyrs who did not or were not able to resist aggression.  In spite of that all people have to persevere and believe in life after death for all our sakes.”

Reflect, share, act. Scripture:  Scripture: You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and kinsmen and friends and some of you they will put to death, for my name’s sake, but not a hair of your head will perish.  By your endurance you will gain your lives. Luke 21: 12-19.   Pope Francis:  If there is no transcendent truth, in obedience to which man achieves his full identity, then there is no sure principle for guaranteeing just relationships between people. Their self-interest as a class, group or nation would inevitably set them in opposition to one another. If one does not acknowledge transcendent truth then the force of power takes over. FT 273. Jubilee.  Saint Paul often speaks of patience in the context of our need for perseverance and confident trust in God’s promises. Yet, before all else, he testifies to God’s own patience, as “the God of all patience and encouragement” ( Rom 15:5). Patience, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, sustains our hope and strengthens it as a virtue and a way of life. May we learn to pray frequently for the grace of patience, which is both the daughter of hope and at the same time its firm foundation. SNC4      Act and Pray for compassionate concern for those suffering loss in their families.