MARFAM FAMILY MATTERS WEEKLY E-NEWSLETTER 20 NOVEMBER 2024

International Men’s Day on November 19th doesn’t get the kind of hype that Women’s Day in August gets in South Africa, but it is also a relevant and important day to commemorate and to celebrate.  The IMD 2024 theme is “Men’s Health Champions” and some objectives, as in previous years, include promotion of positive male role models, men’s health, mental health as well, and gender equality, rather than focusing on negative stereotyping as if “all men are bad and abusers.”  It is relevant to mention men in our own lives and our world separately because so much is dependent on our personal experiences as male or female persons, who by nature relate differently.  Father-daughter is not the same as father-son.   Ask yourself what is the experience of having or being a father, brother, or son?  As a family is a developing system with members and their interactions changing over time these questions must be considered  over a lifetime, i.e. family background, stages of life, as well as present-day realities.

Research has shown consistently that relationships, attitudes and behaviour are copied and repeated from generation to generation. As a man what was your childhood experience of your father, your grandfather, your uncles and siblings?  Was the family model patriarchal with men’s domination being seen as natural and acceptable, even if abusive and not loving or compassionate?   How is your behaviour in your present family?.  As a woman how were your relationships and experiences with the men in your family?  

There is a trend today to reject gender stereotyping, of attributing certain qualities and characteristics to male and female, even from babyhood and on into adulthood. Some aspects of masculinity and femininity cannot be denied completely and there are many qualities that do overlap. There are others that seem out of character and may be related to issues of gender and sexual orientation. However, in general masculine traits would include strength, courage, independence, and assertiveness. Feminine traits would include gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion, tolerance, and nurturance.

We all carry many scars, some of them of wounds inflicted by others, those close to us or strangers, some self-inflicted wounds, some wounds are deliberate, others circumstantial. It is wellknown that men are responsible for most of the woundedness, but not all. It was recently reported that nearly half of all women will have had experiences of sexual harassment and violence of some kind in their lifetime.  Men’s negative experiences are fewer but it is important to note here that both genders may not deal with that experience effectively.  

Wounds need healing. This is not the same as a cure, that takes a disease or a wound away.  Healing has a more human and feeling and also a spiritual aspect, more of a process of change and regrowth. In healing a relationship acknowledgement of a hurt is required,  It needs forgiveness, asking and receiving forgiveness for harm and hurts caused.   The general male and female characteristics mentioned above affect how healing is approached and accepted.  Women express their feelings more easily,  and should be taken into account.  However the important and valuable attitude and feeling of compassion is not necessarily only a female trait.  

Jesus, the most valuable role model for both men and women had the quality of compassion in abundance as is noted in the gospels.  He said, “I have come to give you life, life in abundance.”   His was a life of compassion, generosity, love and care for others. Compassion as a quality is more than just a feeling experienced by women.  We are all called to reflect on our life experience, the need for healing and compassion when others are suffering.  THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS is an association of persons who offer friendship and understanding to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. They are a peer group of women and men, who through their loss have learned and earned the gift of compassion.

Pope Francis in his new encyclical Dilexit Nos explores the Heart of Jesus, His heart where compassion lives, a heart that is tender, that we all, men and women need to imitate in our own relationships and in our world which is broken, wasting away and desperately in need of healing and restoration.  This is the ultimate goal of the current and all-important COP 29 Conference on Climate Change taking place at this time. Promoting that concept in families is the focus of MARFAM’s BECOMING ECO-FRIENDLY FAMILIES campaign and booklet.  Family communication,  faith sharing and prayer can build and strengthen our compassion for the sake of OUR WORLD, A FAMILY OF FAMILIES.  As Advent approaches the new resource FAMILIES IN CREATION, HOPE FOR THE FUTURE includes reflections on hope and peace. May our men be blessed with compasion, hope and peace.  TR FAMILY WEEKLY 20 NOVEMBER 2024  

Prayer to the Sacred heart of Jesus adapted from Pope Francis DILEXIT NOS.

Lord Jesus Christ, as men and women, in this our World as a Family of Families, may the compassionate love symbolized in your Sacred Heart pour forth streams of living water to heal the hurts we have caused, strengthen our ability to love and serve others and to inspire us to journey together towards a world of justice, solidarity and social friendship. Amen.

  

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY 20 NOVEMBER 2024

November 20. The Bible study group was quite shocked when they read Luke’s version that had seemed similar to Matthew’s parable of the ten, five and one talents.  How could Jesus be talking about slaying the man who didn’t make any profit? They carefully studied the two versions and some commentaries and came to realise that in Luke’s version Jesus was portraying a cruel, tyrannical ruler who would readily kill someone.  Is this any different to our society today, in the world, the country or even in homes?  How much unacceptable violence is taking  place and why?  Farm workers are beaten and killed and so are farmers. Police kill and are killed. Can any of the wars being waged today even vaguely be considered as “just?”

Reflect, share, act. Scripture “But as for these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them before me.” Luke 19:11-28. Pope  Francis: In 2018 Pope Francis approved changes to Catholic teaching. “The death penalty is inadmissible because it is an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the person,” reads the Catechism of the Catholic Church now on the death penalty, with the addition that the Church “works with determination for its abolition worldwide.” He also condemns all war as a failure, stating that there is no “just war”  FT.  God is always ready to forgive and he never tires of forgiving in ways that are continually new and surprising.   MV21,    Eco-tip and prayer:  Creator God in this month of commemoration of loss and death comfort us in our pain and strengthen us in our understanding that you never abandon us and care for each of your creatures day by day.