MARFAM FAMILY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER 26 FEBRUARY 2025. .

Patrick’s wife died of cancer last month. That makes him a widowed but a single person. 

Joyce’s husband was abusive from their early days. After many episodes that also involved children she filed for divorce and was happy that she was able to get an annulment.  She had no intention of marrying again, as many women do,  but Joyce lived the next 30 years as a single mother, bringing up their children, sometimes with help from her ex-husband and other family members.   

Matilda never wanted to marry as she had seen much unhappiness in her childhood home. However she wanted children and chose to become a single mom through donor sperm.  

Beauty was not able to choose and is a typical case of teenage pregnancy, still at school, but her mother insists she must care for her own baby.   

There are dozens of scenarios.  Much can be written objectively stating cases, but each one also has a story that has affected the choices that were made rightly or wrongly. Many examples of ‘singlenes” contain feelings of anger, hurt, guilt, rejection, disappointment, loneliness, depression and more.  Other examples are free choices to be single and increasingly people appear to enjoy the liberty it gives them and may be content with their life situation. Many cases today result from a plain disregard of Church teaching.  This may well be a lack of understanding and appreciation of the value of marriage as an ideal  foundation for a family, that is not always attained even in ideal circumstances or through a process of hurt and rebuilding.   

A definition of a family from Pope John Paul II in 1981 still remains helpful. A family is “An intimate community of life and love, bonded together for life, by blood, marriage or adoption.” FC44.   Our MARFAM theme for the month of February LOVE GIVES FAMILIES LIFE in a Church context is often related to marriage and child-bearing where ideally the love of a husband and wife gives life to their children as Pope Francis explained in Amoris Laetitia .his 2016 Apostolic Exhoration. But life-giving and sharing love is not exclusive to marriage as in fact for almost everyone their years of marriage are only a part of their life and their years before and possible many years after might well be a much longer portion of their life. Our retirement village consists mostly of widowed women living alone. In other contexts these women live with their extended families.  Family life is being life-giving and sharing love beyond marriage in all family situations and relationships, as families are large, extended networks of relationships most often with some biological basis, e.g. parenting, grand-parenting, sibling, grandparenting, in-laws. During all the years the need for love and being life-giving continues to exist and be practiced.

Sex and sexuality obviously have a role to play in the single life as much as in married life as the Church teaches chastity for all, married, single, straight or gay, priest and religious too.  However our sexually saturated and consumer orientated society through all forms of the media and every other lifestyle promotes the right to sexual pleasure over the right to life and true life-giving love. 

Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia/The Joy of Love, apart from the ideal discusses many alternative realities, imperfections which we all experience, and the irregular situations to be handled with pastoral sensitivity.   He writes, “for the sake of truth pastors are obliged to exercise careful discernment of situations.  The degree of responsibility is not equal in all cases and factors may exist which limit the ability to make a decision. Pastors are to avoid judgements that do not take into account the complexity of various situations and be attentive to how people experience distress because of their situation. AL 79. In this important and valuable document he upholds Church teaching but also expresses compassion e.g. the need to support single mothers struggling in poverty, support for those with homosexual tendencies and the importance of an informed conscience for decision-making.  

Appropriate for the Jubilee Year of Hope he offers hope:  “The  light of Christ enlightens every person.(GS22)  Seeing things with the eyes of Christ inspires the Church’s pastoral care for the faithful who are living together, or are only married civilly or are divorced, the Church turns with love to those who participate in her life in an imperfect manner, she seeks the grace of conversion for them, she encourages them to do good, to take loving care of each other and to serve the community in which they live and work.  AL78 

So why do people live their lives as singles?   It would seem there are as many examples and cases as there are individuals and it should probably be thought through asking, “Am I giving love and life a chance?” Clearly many people are no longer willing to submit to almost any authority but may also not have opportunities to choose from.  Freedom to choose could lead to happiness or a loveless life, that may backfire one day later in life, leaving a lonely old person.  I think Pope Francis has even called that having a “sourpuss” attitude. God forbid that should be the consequence of an earlier life choice.    TR

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. HOMOSEXUAL ORIENTATION IN CHURCH AND FAMILY

February 26.   The parish had a number of LGB+ couples and families.  The parish priest had chosen to be as supportive as he could but not all the parishioners felt the same.  Some families were openly hostile while the majority were tolerant to varying degrees.  “When you have had to accept such a reality in your own family and realise you still love your son in the same way it does affect your attitude,” Mrs Jefferson shared in the women’s group. “It is not easy for the person themselves to deal with it.” “I wonder what many of us would make of this saying of Jesus about who is “for us” and apply it in our own lives.” 

Reflect, share. Scripture: Jesus said, he that is not against us is for us.  Mark 9:38-40.   Pope Francis:    Families should be given respectful pastoral guidance so that those who manifest a homosexual orientation can receive the assistance they need to understand and fully carry out God’s will in their lives.   AL 250.  JUBILEE.  We need to recognize the immense goodness present in our world, lest we be tempted to think ourselves overwhelmed by evil and violence. The signs of the times, which include the yearning of human hearts in need of God’s saving presence, ought to become signs of hope.   SNC 7.  Prayer and action. Pray for tolerance and acceptance for those with different sexual orientation.  Choose appropriate action.