MARFAM WEEKLY E-NEWSLETTER 2 JULY 2025. Also visit   https://marfam.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/GRANDPARENTS-MATTER-resource-booklet.pdf

Pope Francis had chosen the theme for the 2025  Day for Grandparents and the Elderly on 27 July as “Blessed are they who have not lost hope.”  That is obviously related to the Jubilee Year theme of hope.   The focus today is specifically on grandparents rather than the elderly.

I have commemorated Grandparents month for many years.  When the FAMILY MATTERS began to be aired on RADIO VERITAS our programme intro was by a little voice saying “Why is your programme called FAMILY MATTERS granny?”  That was my grandson aged about 8.   Now he is turning 25 and a fully fledged paramedic. I think the question is still relevant and so is the answer. “Where would you be without your family and without your granny!  

Kuan’s granddad had died a few months before he was born and out of my 7 grandchildren the older 4 do have some kind of memories of Chris.  But Kuan does have 2 grannies as well as his other family   Not all children have the benefit of a grandparent, while some in today’s world may have up to 6 grandparents in reconstituted families after a death or divorce.   Many do have grandparents in theory but don’t know them at all, as they live elsewhere or have moved away.   Many other children live fulltime or parttime with grandparents, often those having a single mom.  Some may hardly know their own parents separated because of work.

So grandparents certainly do matter.  But their actual presence  is one thing, the role they play, the relationship and the degree of closeness is unique to every child in every family and across the generation gap.   Grannies generally are more common than grandpas, as one can see in any retirement village where here are always more women than men.

But what are some of the hows and whys of having grandparents?   

OH TO BE A GRANNY!

You’ve possibly heard those words or maybe thought those words  expressed in different tones of voice,

possibly with very different emotions behind them. In the eyes of their children and grandchildren grannies may be adored, loved, used, exploited, neglected, abused, considered a burden or hopefully a special joy.  

Take a moment to remember your own grannies and what they would have had to say about you, and also what kind of granny you see yourself to be, and how you portray yourself to others.  

Here are some granny types along with some wishful thinking.

  • OH TO BE A GRANNY There is the brag-book granny, proud, happy. My little darlings are so cute and so clever.   Only 16 months and can………..
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY There is another show-off granny. “My darlings have done great things in life already. Their father/mother was like that too.
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY There is the older mother/mom-in-law, waiting, dying for a little one.  Even if children are married or not, they might even say, “Just give me a grandchild to love.”
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY There is the concerned/involved granny. “Oh what a blessing. In spite of parental neglect they at least have me to look after them.”
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY There is the helping and supportive granny, “I get satisfaction from being able to help, it’s not mom’s taxi these days, but gran’s, (cheaper than an uber.)
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY. There is the disappointed caring granny. “They really don’t seem to need me.”
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY. Heard from teenage mother. “I’m jolly pleased I can leave this child with my mom, so I can get on with my own life, go back to school, get a job.”
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY There is the used/exploited granny, “I wish I wasn’t their granny.  I’m tired of looking after these brats. They eat my pension money and expect me to provide them with pocket money too.
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY. There is the hopeful granny. ”I’m hopeful that these young clever ones will be able to put things right in our world.”
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY!   I’d willingly take over some of these child-caring tasks and maybe do a better job, instead of just having to stand by and watch.
  • OH TO BE A GRANNY!  Except that it is really too late for me to be involved, as some of our kids have their children so late in their busy lives.
  • And no doubt there are more, to say nothing of the granddads and their wishful thinking!

And no doubt there are more, to say nothing of the granddads and their wishful thinking!

So Why and How do grandparents matter?  Almost always because of the natural bond that exists. They love their children – the parents of their grandchildren,  and love the young ones too.  They are concerned for their wellbeing,  and even how their upbringing fits into our own value system while respecting their parent’s rights. Are their parents too strict or too casual?   Do they get quality and quantity time in the family?   What about their faith formation?

Grandparents may be quite young but also elderly.  If they are able, active and can contribute – they are useful on practical, psychological and spiritual levels.  Grandparents have rights that should be respected and especially as they age they should be cared and provided for, not neglected or abused.

Grandparents play a very important role in society which should value them in this role and lend them as much support as they can.  

  • They may act as surrogate parents.  
  • They care for, fetch and take children where they need to go, as a support to the parents, but without much control or authority over the kids.  
  • They give financial support.
  • Alongside these acts they are a spiritual support.  Some do their best to instill values, moral and ethical behaviour.  They pray for the grandchildren, for specific needs but also very much as part of their own prayer life.  A helpful MARFAM resource : Movement of prayer of grandparents for grandchildren.
  • Grandparents also have their own needs, to be loved and cared for – by their children and grandchildren – as they grow older, weaker, possibly suffer from dementia or Alazheimers or other diseases. .
  • There is a mutual benefit. Grandparents are the historical roots, a socializing and stabilizing force and resource of wisdom and life experience for the young, while the young are also a resource of love and care for their elders.        

In 2021 Pope Francis instituted a special day each year for Grandparents and the Elderly on 4th Sunday in July, near the feast of St Joachim and St Ann, the grandparents of Jesus. He also included them in the Jubilee for Families 1 June.

Clearly he was close to his grandmother, referred to her quite often and had a definite soft spot for the elderly.       The themes he chose over the years, built on a scripture passage, are interesting in that he recognized the kind of issues they face but he also presented a positive hopeful message.

  • 2021.  I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS.
  • 2022. IN OLD AGE THEY WILL STILL BEAR FRUIT.
  • 2023  HIS MERCY IS FROM AGE TO AGE  –  link with World Youth Day to focus on communication across generations.
  • 2024. DO NOT CAST ME OFF IN MY OLD AGE.  Particular concern over their neglect.
  • 2025 – JUBILEE YEAR. BLESSED ARE THEY WHO HAVE NOT LOST HOPE.    

Clearly grandparents matter,  for their children, their grandchildren and for their own good.   The act of praying for their grandchildren is a very special part of their own spiritual journey.  Given here is a simple format that can be used, alone or possibly with a companion.  

PRAYING FOR GRANDCHILDREN, A SIMPLE FORMAT.

Bring to mind each of your grandchildren and their special qualities and needs.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, I worship you, and give you praise for the great gift of life you have given to me.

With gratitude, wonder and awe I acknowledge that it is through my life that you granted life to my children;

They are mine, ours and yours. 

They in turn have become the parents of our grandchildren,  and some of us are already blessed with great-grandchildren in your wonderful chain of life.

It is for all these young ones that I thank you and I pray for them today.

Some of them are strong in faith, others strong in body,

Some are beautiful in looks, others beautiful in spirit.

Some are disabled, some ugly, disfigured, or destroy their own beauty.

The world in which they live is different from the world in which we lived.

Sometimes we do not understand their world and their ways and we need your gift of forgiveness so that we can be at peace. 

You have given them to us to love and to hold in prayer,

So I earnestly pray today that through my intercession no evil will befall them and that the hopes and dreams we have built up over the years will be theirs too. May your kingdom come, in their lives and in ours.  I ask this in Jesus name.  Amen.                         

Not only have grandparents given life, but they contribute by their actions to building up their family (cf. Tit 2:2-5), and by their prayer and their life of faith, they spiritually enrich every member of their family and community. Africae Munus 48 Pope Benedict XVI

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

July 2. Married love in old age. Ronald had been a catechist in his rural parish for many years and he liked to say that he had taught generations of children, including his own children and grandchildren. He shared in his family, “I feel like a real patriarch myself, just like Abraham and Isaac and Jacob.  I’m also happy that my wife is still here with me.  She is like Abraham’s wife Sarah, still telling me what to do!” But he smiled at her. Mothibi, his grandson wanted to know. “Granddad wasn’t Sarah complaining about the son of the slave woman. Was she jealous of the other woman?   She wouldn’t have known that Ishmael became the forefather of the Muslim religion?”  “Yes, you young people now know more about that as there are so many more Muslims around then there were in my day. You’ll have to teach me.”  

Scripture: God said to Abraham, “Do not be displeased because of the boy and because of your slave woman. Whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for through Isaac shall your descendants be named. And I will make a nation of the son of the slave woman also, because he is your offspring.” Read From Genesis 21:8-20.  Pope Francis;   In the course of every marriage physical appearances change but this hardly means that love and attraction need fade. We love the other person for who they are, not simply for their body.   The marriage bond finds new forms of expression and constantly seeks new ways to grow in strength.  AL 164.  JUBILEE. Everyone knows what it is to hope. In the heart of each person, hope dwells as the desire and expectation of good things to come, despite our not knowing what the future may bring. SNC2  Act and pray. For the needs of families, especially grandparents and the elderly.