MARFAM FAMILY E-NEWSLETTER 18 JUNE 2025

In SA June is Youth month and MARFAM’s theme is “Children belong in Families.”  Last week, with Father’s Day coming up I added ”And so do Dads.”  We listened to the pain of 2 dads in Israel, one a Jew and the other a Palestinian when each had a daughter killed by the other side. Loving fathers suffer.  This week on 16th June, as we commemorated Youth Day we are remembering the sacrifices and suffering of children, the youth of 1976, for their own future and that of their country. World Refugee Day is celebrated by UN on 20 June “to honour the courage, strength and determination of women, men and children who are forced to flee their homes under threats of persecution, conflict and violence.”  Sunday 22 June is the joyful Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, but with an element of suffering too.

Suffering is a normal fact of life and happens to everyone at some stage of life. Families suffer, members as individuals and families as units too as, what happens to one member affects the whole unit, whatever its shape and size, even an extended family. An achievement can be celebrated by all, but frequently a loss can be more traumatic.   It may or may not bring the members together or even tear a family unit apart.    A family’s task and responsibility is to learn to deal with its life events as best they can,  celebrate the positives,  grieve the losses and carry the burdens like addiction.  

Addiction is a form of loss, but not a temporary event, rather a long-term situation that can drain the energy, practical, psychological and spiritual resources of the family unit or at least some of its members, with serious negative effects on relationships.  Addiction is obsessive behaviour, giving in to temptation, loss of self-control, an inability to stop.

 NHS UK provides some helpful pointers. https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/addiction-support/addiction-what-is-it/#: Addiction is defined as not having control over doing, taking, or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you. IMost commonly it is associated with specific activities but it is possible to be addicted to almost anything, as it concerns human behaviour.  

  • Gambling –  not being able to stop and leading to financial distress
  • Substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, smoking + vaping, solvent inhalation e.g. glue
  • Work – when it negatively impacts on relationships with others   
  • internet – taking excessive time,  on gaming and watching pornography
  • shopping – buying unnecessary things and wasting money.
  • Sex – uncontrolled and inappropriate behaviour with others, oneself and through use of pornography.  

Clearly all such uncontrolled behaviour has an impact on others, especially within a family where symptoms and behaviours are observed and lived out.   

What are causes and reasons for addiction?   Personality disorders and genetic inclinations do exist within a family and its members. However, addiction and can well start in a family in response to what is happening in the home, or be the result of outside influences,  school, work, friends.  Personal feelings or times of unhappiness, family conflict and stressful family situations, depression, peer pressure and pleasure-seeking can all activate or lead to a start in addictive behaviour.   Not every person will respond to a stimulus by becoming addicted. Whether from outside or from within one or more family members can become addicted.  

What happens in a family. Addictive behaviour in anyone, old or young may be obvious or more subtle, in an individual’s appearance, behavior, moods, mental function, at work, school or financial. Dealing with the behaviour is very complex and difficult and demands great patience, understanding, skill and the need for family support. Family members themselves vacillate between denial, tolerance, helpful or unhelpful action responses as they struggle to deal with the reality.  Relationships can be undermined, creating an atmosphere of distrust and feelings of betrayal. Addiction does affect the brain, rational thinking and acting. Persons with addiction, old and young, male or female are manipulative and become untrustworthy and secretive. They may deny, lie, cheat, steal, make up stories, change from being overly loving to being aggressive or withdraw.  

Other important Signs and Symptoms of Substance Use.  Addiction, by its nature, drives the individual to suppress painful emotions and harmful behaviors in order to fuel episodes of their compulsive behaviour.  When looking for the potential signs remember that substance misuse affects many areas of an individual’s life, and can mirror other mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety. Only a trained person or healthcare professional can accurately diagnose an individual with a substance use disorder.  However it is beneficial to families to understand the disease, as addiction is recognized and described as such.

Support for families and those who are addicted. Families can do much to help themselves by their own attitudes and action.  Help is available from a number of sources, school psychologist, medical aid or specialist agencies, but cannot be forced on someone. They willingly have to accept the treatment or advice, which in itself is not easy and may take a long time and have to be repeated. The ideal is for families working on the process together with the addicted person, but also with outside support for either or both.       

AA/Alcoholics Anonymous is a very successful long-established resource. It is a global, peer-led mutual aid fellowship programme for rehabilitation and personal self-improvement focused on abstinence-based recovery through its spiritually inclined 12 step programme. It is non-religious and non-denominational but an important aspect is its reliance on God or a higher being.   https://www.aasouthafrica.org.za/

Alanon – is a mutual peer support group for families and friends of alcoholics whose lives have been impacted by alcoholism. It has grown out of AA and adopts the same philosophy. https://www.alanon.org.za/public-outreach/

Alateen – is a further outgrowth and a support group for younger alcoholics even pre-teen children.

These resources will be unpacked in an interview with Toni Rowland on FAMILY MATTERS on Wednesday 18 June 2025 on Radio Veritas 870 DSTV, streaming on www.radioveritas.co.za

The Catholic Church supports these initiatives,  available almost everywhere as well as online.  Our own faith experience can meaningfully complement these resources.  Pope Leo XIV on Saturday 14th June speaking by video at a major event hosted by the Archdiocese of Chicago and held in the sporting arena of his favourite baseball team in his home town, spoke to the youth, the sportsmen and women and to everyone,   

“In an experience of living our faith together, we can find that the Lord’s grace, that the love of God can truly heal us, can give us the strength that we need, can be the source of that hope that we all need in our lives.” 

May this healing experience be a Sign of Hope in our world of families this Jubilee year 2025.  TR  FAMILY WEEKLY 18 JUNE 2025

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

June 18.   “You know what, in the mission Fr G told us prayer, fasting and almsgiving isn’t only for Lent. It is good for any time and you shouldn’t show off how much weight you have lost pretending you’re on diet.  Do it as a sacrifice for some special intention like continuing to pray for guys like Preston and his gang members.  Their way of life can’t lead to anywhere good, and do they really feel happy, I wonder.” “We youth should pray for those youth gangs, and even make sacrifices like fasting and quietly giving stuff to support and help them mend their ways.”

Reflect, share and act. Scripture:  When you fast anoint your head and wash your face that your fasting may not be seen by men but by your Father who sees in secret and will reward you. “Matthew 6:16-18. Pope Francis: :  Anyone called to be a parent, pastor or guide to young people must have the far-sightedness to appreciate the little flame that continues to burn, the fragile reed that is shaken but not broken.  The ability to discern pathways where others only see walls. To recognise potential where others see only peril.  That is how God the Father sees things, he knows how to cherish and nurture the seeds of goodness sown in the hearts of the young. CV 67.  JUBILEE: It is sad to see young people who are without hope, who face an uncertain and unpromising future, who lack employment or job security, or realistic prospects after finishing school. Without the hope that their dreams can come true, they will inevitably grow discouraged and listless. Escaping into drugs, risk-taking and the pursuit of momentary pleasure does greater harm to them and can lead to depression and even self-destructive actions. The Jubilee should inspire the Church to make greater efforts to reach out to them. With renewed passion, let us demonstrate care and concern for adolescents, SNC12. Act and pray. For the needs of families and children as appropriate.